Album Review: Ye Banished Privateers – A Pirate Stole My Christmas

I make no secret of my love of Christmas music; I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that (according to iTunes) I have 5.2 days of Christmas music. But, I have nothing, not one thing, even remotely like A Pirate Stole My Christmas!

The band (crew?) known as, Ye Banished Privateers, describe themselves as playing pirate folk rock. I can’t say I’m familiar with this as a genre but, as a Christmas album, I was hooked from the opening track: “Ring The Bells” – a pirate version of “Jingle Bells”. Some might say that they butcher the Christmas songs featured in the album but I think “plunder” is a better description. The lyrics from the first verse will give you a flavour of what the do to many a much loved Christmas classic on this album:

Dashing through the foam
On a one-mast leaking ship,
Across the seas we roam,
On a one way plunder trip.
Bells on churches ring,
As we come in sight,
Oh What fun it is to rove and sing
A plunder song tonight 

I suspect there is a fun Christmas quiz to be had guessing what song they have appropriated from the song titles. Some are fairly easy to spot, e.g. “Little Rummer Boy” while others may only become obvious when you hear them, e.g. “Sulphur Ahoy”. (If you can’t guess the inspiration behind the second title, check out the video at the end of this review where all will be revealed.)

Of the eleven tracks on the album, two are spoken word. Track eight is particularly weird (and on an album like this, that’s really saying something!). The track in question, “Festival Days”, appears to be a straight reading of a law passed in 1659 by the Puritan government of the Massachusetts Bay Colony which banned Christmas. Not an obvious choice for most Christmas albums but, as I’ve already hinted, this is not like most Christmas albums. The other spoken word track is “It Came To Bloody Pass” and while it is thanks to Google that I identified the other track, ths one was more recognisable as a pirate version of Luke chapter 2. If you are familiar with the Christmas story at all, you have probably heard the King James Version: “And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Cæsar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed…” but I am aware of other, slightly off-beat translations (for example, in Scots, “Roon aboot thïs time tha Emperor, Caesar Augustus, gien ordèrs that a heid-coont wus tae be taen o aa tha fowk ïn iverie pairt o hïs empire…”). So, a pirate version does not seem entirely unreasonable: “And it came to bloody pass in them days, that there went out articles from the half masted Caesar Augustus, blast his toplights, that all the world should be taxed and ransacked…” I enjoyed that it wasn’t just a standard version with the occasional, “Arrr!” thrown in but that it reflects the values and concerns of every day pirates (for example, accurately describing King David as “wife stealer”).

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The music tracks, however, are the highlight, all delivered with pirate gusto. It is difficult to pick a favourite but “O cannonball” is a strong contender: one of the most melancholy Christmas songs I have ever had the pleasure of hearing. The harmonies on the last verse are heart rending and the lyrics are not exactly full of jolly and holly:

O cannonball, o cannonball
so Much pain you bring to all.
How oft before at the battlefield
A ball like you has crippled me!

…and yet, it remains one of my favourites. If, like me, this kind of thing appeals rather than appals, I suspect you’ll also love, “Drawn and Quartered”, a song about being hanged, drawn and quartered to the tune of Ding Dong Merrily on High! Altogether on the chorus now: “Quaaaa-a-a-a-a-a-aaaa- A-a-a-a-a-aaa-a-a-a-a-a- Aaartered and drawn be his intestines!“. If that doesn’t warm the cockles of your Christmas heart, you deserve to be keel hauled.

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In summary, if you only buy one pirate themed Christmas album, it should be A Pirate Stole My Christmas.